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My Story...


Conscious change is based on my own life experiences, so perhaps it would be useful if I shared a bit about them...

Forty years ago, I was working in the environmental field, helping to pioneer household waste recycling and new ways of thinking about garbage. It was work I truly loved. Yet at the same time, I was in deep despair -- mired in conflict from both my work and a young marriage. I was trying to change the people in my world - from my wife, to governments, politicians and industry - and it wasn't working very well.

In the early 1980s, I came across some ideas that shifted my perspective and approach; in fact, my entire outlook on life. They suggested that our view of the world is limited by how we see and think of it. That we are connected to others in consciousness, and our thoughts affect other people. That the material world comes out of consciousness. And that fundamental reality, and the true nature of our being, comes from a larger Source (that some call God).

To put it bluntly, these ideas freaked me out! As someone who was grounded in science, and raised to have 'nothing to do' with spirituality or religion, they went against everything I believed. What's more, as a communicator of new ideas about 'how to change the world,' if they were true, how would I EVER communicate them?

I lived in deep fear of being found out or discovered -- that I was reading such ideas, let alone starting to believe them. Yet as I came to understand them, I felt a deep knowing that they were somehow 'true', and explained the world far better than my previous thinking. And as I applied them, I came to see that they worked; helping me to create more healing and change in my life and work than I had previously experienced.

Seeing their effectiveness, I tried briefly to express them to others. But I did so in ineffective ways. People didn't understand, or want to go there. I tried to explain, but couldn't. And I was counselled not to speak about them. I felt rejected, totally alone and deeply hurt. So I made two decisions:

1) to continue applying these new ideas in my work and life, because I saw them working; and

2) to never share them publicly again.

It made total sense to me at the time, in order to take care of myself. But it also created a deep schism inside... of trying to live in the world as fully I could, but without being able to express my deepest insights and truths. And it has taken me close to 40 years to tell my story, and put this work out into the world.

Why Do I Share This?

First, let me emphasize that it's not important that you agree with my way of seeing the world. We all have different beliefs, and I don't believe in imposing mine on anyone. But what's more important is the difficult place I found myself as I was growing into them.

What I've learned over the past four decades is that all of us are challenged, in some way, to be 'fully ourselves' in the world. We have thoughts, ideas or experiences that we hold back, believing that others would never accept us if they knew 'the truth' about us. We fear standing out or looking different. We want to live large, but choose to live smaller than we are. Why? Because we also hunger to be accepted. And we need to feel safe...

These choices are totally understandable. We've all made them. And yet, they hold us back from being true to ourselves... and to others. In holding back our honesty, we also hold back our trust in other people. We end up suppressing the deepest parts of our lives, the things we value the most or believe the deepest, and what we hold closest to our heart. And as a result, we stop ourselves from living fully. At least that's what happened for me.

That's why I now do the work I do:  Listening deeply. Helping people to feel seen and heard. Assisting them to find their voice, and share their truths and hearts. And working together to find ways around challenging problems, and creating more of the life/world they want to experience.

MY biggest challenge still remains doing this for myself; to fully express my own 'wild and crazy' ideas, move past fears of rejection, and see if these ideas really work. We all have a path to grow our lives, and this is mine:  'coming out', standing up and being real. It is my way of healing with my shadows, opening my heart, being myself and living more fully.

And in these times, it is also about contributing the 'best' I have to offer... because I really do want to help others and "see change in my life and the world."

Thanks for taking the time to read this...


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